i have my version of the dissertation, i only need you to edit it as to what the feedback wants.

Feedback:
The dissertation’s objective was broad. It aimed to investigate film location from a production designer’s perspective. It also sought to do this through three films that were set at sea – Titanic, The Sea Inside, and Cast Away. There was, therefore, little understanding of the scope of the dissertation as there was little engagement with the main issues. The research approach was sorely lacking with insufficient use of readings, and this includes primary sources on space (mise en scene).

In the resubmission of this dissertation the student is asked to address the following:

– Defining the scope of the study. Think about what and how the location of the ‘sea’ in these three films contributes to the narrative and mood.

– Key academic texts for chapter 2 – Literature Review must be incorporated. The Introduction chapter has yet to define what will be read. The evaluation of the texts must be done in a systematic manner with text and authors clearly cited. Could you use John Gibbs’ book on Mise en Scene, or Jane Barnwell, David Bordwell and Kristin Thompson’s Film Art: An Introduction?

– The evaluation of these texts will then be necessary as they will be cross-referenced as you analyse the three films.

Content & Argument:
The Introduction chapter was underwhelming. Neither implicit nor explicit reference is made to the topic that was to be examined. The dissertation presented a meandering objective. This objective did not have a clear scope and key academic texts were not articulated. Discussion of the research objective was sporadic and the synthesising of information was randomly done.
The Literature Review chapter has not articulated how any academic texts contribute to and informed the research objective. This is a chapter that needs major rework so that the value of the research may proceed to inform the following chapter of film analysis.
As there was little evidence of literature (and no author or text was referenced) in the previous chapter, there was no application of a theoretical framework within in the discussion of the films used as case study. The analysis was therefore superficial and remained unsupported by academic research.
Most of what was written in this chapter explained what happens in the films instead of rigorous analysis and there was little attempt to situate the films back to the objective of the dissertation.

Structure & Clarity:
The dissertation appeared to have no direction, with chapters and sections appearing disjointed. Paragraphs on occasion do not adhere to the objective and in fact, are random.
It was hard to follow what the student was trying to express as the writing and purpose were unclear. In the abstract, The Sea Inside was referred to as The Sea Within.

Research Methodology:
The significance of the theoretical investigation to the student’s practice was thinly addressed.

Academic Referencing & Citation:
Citations for statements included in the review were not present, or references that were included were not found in the text.
Films must be italicised.